


I'm Here

by orphan_account



Series: Oneshots concerning self harm [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 19:57:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: My fingers were moving on their own, I wasn't controlling anymore. No! Stop! I don't want him to leave!





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Underlined is Yuri's thoughts, italicized is what he's saying to himself.

**Otabek:** You're sure you're okay? You're breathing now? And you drank some water?

 **Yuri:** Yes Beka, I'm sure. I'm breathing fine, and I had some water

 **Otabek:** Okay. Make sure you eat today, okay?

_No. You're fat and shouldn't eat._

**Yuri:** Okay.

 **Otabek:** Anything else you'd like to talk about? I'll listen, if you need

His fingers were moving on their own, he wasn't controlling them anymore. No! Stop! I don't want him to leave!

 **Yuri:**  No, I'm fine. I'm going to go eat right now.

_No you won't_

Somehow, he ended up crying on the bathroom floor with blood running down his wrists. His phone sat next to him, and he watched it ding over and over again with Otabek trying to talk to him after a message he sent just before he mutilated my wrists.

 **Yuri:** I'm really, really sorry Beka. I love you more than anything and I'm sorry for being so pathetic.

 **Otabek:** What's going on Yura? The last time you sent me a message like that was before your attempt.

Then, after a few minutes, right after I started.

 **Otabek:** Yura?? Put whatever you're holding down and call me. Now.

 **Otabek:** You can't try that again, it's not a good idea.

 **Otabek:** I'm on my way over.

_Tell him not to come over, Yuri. You want this. You don't deserve to be here._

He covered his ears and screamed, trying to drown out the voices. They aren't real, they aren't real, they aren't real...

_You deserve to die._

_You're too pathetic._

_He doesn't love you._

_You shouldn't be here._

**Otabek:** I'm letting myself in, just hold on. Don't do anything.

And the chime that let Yuri know when someone was coming in sounded, but he couldn't hear it from the combination of him screaming and his hands over his ears. He shut his eyes tightly.

The bathroom door's handle jiggled, and then a click was heard as Otabek unlocked it, and burst into the room.

He was down with Yuri in an instant, trying to get his hands off his ears with one hand and rubbing his other one over Yuri's leg in an attempt to sooth him and let him know that it's just Otabek with him. The screaming turned into loud sobbing, shaking and hyperventilating, as just being with Otabek distracted from his frenzy.

Otabek managed to get one of Yuri's hands off his ears, and moved close to his ear, starting to talk in the most calming way he can, despite how anxious he felt. Did Yuri need to go to the hospital? Should he be calling someone, or calm Yuri down first and then assess his injuries? It's never been this bad before,

"Yura, breathe. You're okay, you're going to be fine. It's just me, I'm here with you, okay? You're not alone, okay? But in order for me to help you, I need you to breathe. Deep breaths, in and out, breathe with me, in.... and out... In... and out... That's it, good," Otabek was surprised he could remember what to do. Last time, Otabek wasn't there before Yuri went unconscious. Otabek just had to call emergency services and give CPR.

"Now, I'm going to get the emergency kit from the cabinet, and a wet towel, and we're going to get you cleaned up and see if we need to call help, okay?" Otabek didn't expect a response, as Yuri was still crying, he just wasn't sobbing as loudly as before. He stood up and grabbed what he needed, and sat down again.

"Now I'm sitting down again with you, and we're going to clean you up. Do you want to open your eyes now?" Even know he figured the answer was no, he figured that he should say everything he was thinking so there wasn't any silence. To Yuri, silence would mean Otabek left.

After a long time of knowing Yuri, Otabek knew exactly what he should do with him in a situation like this. He had asked right after Yuri almost died the first time, just in case it ever came in handy, and after multiple episodes (albeit not as bad as this one) he had a pretty solid routine. He knew it was easier for Yuri to calm down when his eyes were closed, but he also wanted to know exactly what was happening around him in order to ground himself. He knew that, as long as Yuri was conscious, he should start by talking to him calmly. He knew that if he wasn't calm, Yuri wouldn't be either.

"Okay, now I'm going to clean your cuts," He said, softly running the wet towel over Yuri's wrists, revealing the wounds under the layer of blood. He cleaned the other wrist, and the grabbed the bandage, "Now I have the bandage, and I'm going to wrap up your arms so that the bleeding will stop and they don't get dirt in them, because that could infect it and that wouldn't be fun."

After Otabek was done wrapping Yuri's arms up, he pulled Yuri into his lap. Yuri tensed up at first, and then relaxed into Otabek's arms. Then, he started crying again.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay now. You're alive, and I've got you, and you're going to be fine," Otabek said, rubbing Yuri's back, "Do you want to tell me what triggered you? Was it talking to me this morning?"

Yuri shook his head. He was still yet to say anything to the older.

"No you don't want to talk about it, or no it wasn't me?" Otabek asked, and when Yuri didn't respond, he said, "You've gotta tell me sweetheart, I need to know if I did anything so I can fix it and apologize."

"You deserve better than me."

"No, why would you think that? Is it because I take care of you all the time? I love taking care of you, Yura, because _I love you."_

 

Yuri just cried harder, "You should have someone independent, and someone who's mentally stable, and... You shouldn't have to deal with me when I..." Yuri was crying too hard to finish.

"I don't care if you're stable or not, I love you too much to let you go, and I want to help you get better, because you're so important to so many people," Otabek said, "And believe it or not, you're actually not that hard to deal with. I love you."

"...I love you too."

 


End file.
